It Was Too Hard

Did you know that there are people that choose to be homeless?

I think that many of them do not realize they had chosen it. You might ask why I believe as I do and the answer is easy. It was too hard.

I want to tell you that I grew up having of all my needs met. I learned at a young age that I had to serve my family. I had to take care of them. Because of circumstances I could not control I literally had charge of a house and 2 sisters by the time I was 9 years old. On the outside you saw parents that worked hard and loved their children but they too were struggling and could not provide the emotional support we needed. Divorce was only one of many issues in my house, yet these other issues were not physical things you could label and heal with a pill or more family time or whatever one might think could fix us.

I have been told to get over it. It was the past…and other things. But although I love my family and have seen a lot of deliverance in my relationship with Jesus there are behaviors and circumstances that came out of my childhood years that still rear their ugly heads in my adult life; where I still serve at a level of detriment to myself.

Besides issues with anxiety and depression, there are educational & physical aspects that work against me reaching personal goals or the socio-economic level my family and society expects of me.

I have asked God why He would allow me to be without. Why He would keep me fighting for something that it has been impossible to find more than a handful of people to feel the passion, I feel for this endeavor. The only answer I know is that grace must be learned.

I must learn what it feels like to battle depression, anxiety, being a fat woman, being an unwanted woman, being a person that has been taken advantage of, someone who has never made enough money, never had the opportunity to reach the pinnacle of what I feel my family and society judges me by no matter how many others tell me I am great. Maybe that is the only thing that sets me apart from my homeless friends; that there are also many people that tell me I am great.

On the other hand grace comes in all forms. If it were not for grace I too would be homeless. With all the push and pull between us, my mother allows me to live at her house while I work and want something so bad that I will continue to believe and fight for it.

I believe that the only being that has ever loved me or wanted me in the way that leaves me feeling respected and enjoyed, unceasingly, is God. God gave me the desire to push through lack because my dear friend and business partner needs to be believed in too. God gave me the passion to learn to let go of the preconceived notions that were taught to me by my well-meaning family & church so I could love Ed; that homeless guy  who has no money for alcohol and he physically hurts, but can still be honest with me about his withdrawal symptoms and thank me for listening. God gave me the job of listening to people who have never been listened to and He gave me the vision to keep telling you about it.

There are lots of reasons why people don’t help each other more. Maybe you don’t believe you can make a difference. Maybe you have given to people that have taken advantage of you and you are scared to give. Maybe your ego gets in the way. I can tell you about ego. I have the biggest ego of most people I know. If it weren’t for Living Ministries, which was inspired by God, I could never do what I am called to do.

If it weren’t for Living Ministries I would never have begun to ask questions, made a choice to join a group called Love Overwhelming and volunteer with “those people” and I would have never totally understood that we are all people first. You should not judge a homeless person by their addiction alone. Their addictions are only the part of the iceberg we see; whether it is drugs, alcohol, sex, hurting themselves or others. Most of the time those addictions were caused because it was too hard. Too hard to meet the standard set for them. Too hard to deal with loss. Too hard to find the right medication for an emotional, mental or physical need. Too hard to find someone to listen to them.

You don’t really know the needs of a man until you ask him. I asked one of my homeless friends once, why he was homeless. He was healthy, smart and gracious. He said it came down to 2 bad decisions. The fact that he had an answer, without pausing, proved to me that he had thought about it. By watching Kevin, I learned that he too was someone that needed to be believed in and listened to.

If you gave 4 hours a week to someone that had less than you, imagine what difference you would make. If you gave it while being part of an organization that believes what you do, you would also learn about that person standing next to you. You would learn the feeling of being part of a team. You would learn how to love by watching others love.

You may not be a Christian. You may not believe in Jesus. You may think badly of me or my message. But I know you want to be listened to. You want to be part of something. You want to be loved.

So does that woman holding the sign in front of Wal-Mart.

Margaret may not have realized the choice she made that led to her homelessness or maybe she only responded to decisions made by her family or people who should have loved her. Thankfully grace is big enough to allow her forgiveness that leads to healing and her reaching new goals, whether she knows how to choose that path or not.

I think that is why I so appreciate groups like Angel Wings Rescue, Hearts For Homeless, Love Overwhelming and The Salvation Army because they don’t ask why first. There will be time for that question later. The first question should be, “How can I help you?”

Summer D. Clemenson serves as Living Ministries Executive Director and fills in as President and Treasurer, while she believes for the vision God gave her for Living Ministries. She welcomes input and help. If you would like to comment on this article please do so. Thank you for your interest in Living Ministries.